Funny Things People Say or Do or That I Say or Do: Archive

RT @PaulyPeligroso: I’m the Banksy of leaving boogers on keypads of ATMs.

Feb 28th

Feb 27th

Official Website of America, obviously →

Feb 27th

RT @gourmetspud: Annoyed that my boss refuses to recognize my fraternity leave. Just because I’m childless, doesn’t mean I don’t have br …

Feb 26th

Feb 25th

306 notes

Watch

Sure it’s a little dated because some of these people aren’t partying tonight like I am. The sentiment remains the same.

Feb 24th

Feb 23rd

“Don’t you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk...”

– Ernest Hemingway (via americandrink)

Feb 23rd

141 notes

Joy gets RAYCESS

Joy: congratulations, not only are you white, but you also have the whitest white boy name abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=2470131&page=1
me: YES
 I was gonna say something about being proud to be white, but I saw an episode of gangland where the guys were saying stuff like that and they didn't seem very nice
Joy: true
 those guys probably wouldnt give me directions if i were lost
me: they'd stand by the road sign and spin it just to be jerks
 so did you find this when you were doing your nightly google search of my name?
Joy: oh my stalking ha elevated passed that
me: I thought I saw the moonlight gleaming off a pair of binoculars up on the road earlier
Joy: im now on to hiring someone to follow you and install cameras in your room
 i like that shirt youre wearing
me: it's white, keeping with the theme

Feb 22nd

Feb 21st

Uh oh

Me: GUAYAKI MOTHERFUCKER
Jeff: How much of that stuff did u drink?
Me: ALL OF IT!
Jeff: God help us

Feb 21st

Feb 20th

404 notes

Feb 19th

1,502 notes

Feb 19th

Comments

So I just figured out how to turn comments on. All three of you can write your witty repartee under the posts and you can even like or dislike things now. Smooches.

Feb 19th

9 notes

Feb 19th

205 notes

Feb 19th

RT @suss2hyphens: Gonna party like CRAZY this Presidents’ Day weekend! Oh man I’m gonna lease so many new cars.

Feb 19th

2,349 notes

2 tags

National Bieber Assocation

me: what the fuck
 justin bieber was in the celebrity game?
Jon: yeah man
 he has nba range!
me: is that true?
 he won the MVP
 but I figured that was because all the real players were lifting him to the rim like a toddler
Jon: haha
 it was actually because the mvp was decided by texts
 and it didtn matter what happened, he was going to be mvp by a landslide
 he only had 8 points
 on the losing team
 but he did hit an nba range 3
me: is his shooting range better than his vocal range?
Jon: i would have to say so
me: I'm shocked that Swin Cash didn't get more votes than bieber because of the backlash in lesbians-who-look-like-justin-bieber community

Feb 19th

27 notes

Feb 19th

8,737 notes

Watch

OK, now I might actually see this.

Feb 18th

Orange County gets sexy

Jeff: Driving behind a guy in a maroon 96 chevy impala with an awful mullet with a sticker on it that reads "bad boys drive bad toys"
Me: I bet that guy pulls tail like you wouldn't believe
Jeff: Well I wouldn't believe it if you told me he's had sex with ONE girl in his life, and that girl was mentally handicapped. Even that's pushing it.

Feb 18th