RT @PaulyPeligroso: I’m the Banksy of leaving boogers on keypads of ATMs.
Official Website of America, obviously →
RT @gourmetspud: Annoyed that my boss refuses to recognize my fraternity leave. Just because I’m childless, doesn’t mean I don’t have br …
Sure it’s a little dated because some of these people aren’t partying tonight like I am. The sentiment remains the same.
Don’t you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk...– Ernest Hemingway (via americandrink)
Joy gets RAYCESS
Joy: congratulations, not only are you white, but you also have the whitest white boy name abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=2470131&page=1
I was gonna say something about being proud to be white, but I saw an episode of gangland where the guys were saying stuff like that and they didn't seem very nice
those guys probably wouldnt give me directions if i were lost
me: they'd stand by the road sign and spin it just to be jerks
so did you find this when you were doing your nightly google search of my name?
Joy: oh my stalking ha elevated passed that
me: I thought I saw the moonlight gleaming off a pair of binoculars up on the road earlier
Joy: im now on to hiring someone to follow you and install cameras in your room
i like that shirt youre wearing
me: it's white, keeping with the theme
Me: GUAYAKI MOTHERFUCKER
Jeff: How much of that stuff did u drink?
Me: ALL OF IT!
Jeff: God help us
So I just figured out how to turn comments on. All three of you can write your witty repartee under the posts and you can even like or dislike things now. Smooches.
RT @suss2hyphens: Gonna party like CRAZY this Presidents’ Day weekend! Oh man I’m gonna lease so many new cars.
National Bieber Assocation
me: what the fuck
justin bieber was in the celebrity game?
Jon: yeah man
he has nba range!
me: is that true?
he won the MVP
but I figured that was because all the real players were lifting him to the rim like a toddler
it was actually because the mvp was decided by texts
and it didtn matter what happened, he was going to be mvp by a landslide
he only had 8 points
on the losing team
but he did hit an nba range 3
me: is his shooting range better than his vocal range?
Jon: i would have to say so
me: I'm shocked that Swin Cash didn't get more votes than bieber because of the backlash in lesbians-who-look-like-justin-bieber community
OK, now I might actually see this.
Orange County gets sexy
Jeff: Driving behind a guy in a maroon 96 chevy impala with an awful mullet with a sticker on it that reads "bad boys drive bad toys"
Me: I bet that guy pulls tail like you wouldn't believe
Jeff: Well I wouldn't believe it if you told me he's had sex with ONE girl in his life, and that girl was mentally handicapped. Even that's pushing it.
RT @ZODIAC_MF: HEY FUCKHEAD SHES A BARTENDER NOT AN ACCOUNTANT SO STOP CASUALLY MENTIONING HOW MUCH YOUR FUCKING SALARY IS
Blake Griffin SLAMS home an interview. <— LOL, that’s a basketball joke!